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Introduction |
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Ted
Huston (PhD), a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University
of Texas started project PAIR (Processes of Adoption in Intimate Relationships)
in 1981. He conducted a long-term study, following about 168 working-class
couples for 13 years after their wedding. The study gave Dr. Huston the
ability to forecast whether a husband and wife will stay together and
if they will be happy. He says the first two years in a marriage are imperative,
all that transformations that go on in these two years can tell you where
the marriage is heading.
Take this marriage quiz below designed by Dr. Huston to see where your marriage is heading. The
Marriage Quiz Part 1 As
newly weds…. (2)…How
often did we express criticism anger, annoyance, impatience or dissatisfaction
to one another? (3)…My
partner and I felt we belonged together; we were extremely close and deeply
in love. (4)…I
think one or both of us worried that we weren't right for each other. By Our Second Anniversary… (1)…We
were disappointed that we touched, kissed, pledged our love or did sweet
things for one another less often than we had as newlyweds. (2)…We
expressed more criticism, anger, annoyance, impatience or dissatisfaction.
(3)…We
felt much less closeness. (4)…I
felt much more confused or worried about the relationship. YOUR
SCORES Now
add your points from Part 2:
Find the section below that corresponds to your results, and read what your early years together can tell you about your marriage now. A+C = Mixed Blessings Your marriage is filled with more conflict and ambivalence than the ideal, but it has lost only a modicum of good feeling. It seems to coast along, showing few signs that it will become deeply distressed. Thought: Many people in such relationships are content, finding their marriage a reassuringly stable foundation that allows them to devote attention career, children or other pursuits. Others are dissatisfied, but figure the rewards outweigh the drawbacks. A few people may eventually leave in search of "a fine romance." B+C = A Fine Romance You have a loving and harmonious marriage. It may have lost a touch of its initial glow, as the mundane realities of marriage have demanded more time. But you feel secure. The relationships gifts you unwrapped as newly weds continue to delight. Thought: You have the makings of a happy, stable long-term marriage. Your success over the first two years suggests that you and your partner operate together like a thermostat: When it's chilly, you eliminate the source of the draft, and when it's hot you find ways to circulate cool air. A+D = Disengaging Duo You and your mate aren't overly affectionate and frequently express displeasure with one another. The love you once felt diminished soon after the wedding. You may already have a sense that your marriage is on shaky ground. Thought: Ask yourself: Did I think our problems would go away once we were married? What changes would I need to see in my partner in order to be happy? How likely are they to occur? How bad would things have to get before the marriage would no longer be worthwhile? B+D = Disaffected Lovers While you and your spouse are still in love, there are clouds on the horizon. Bickering and a loss of affection could give rise to doubts about your future. Thought: You may be at risk for divorce. But the decline doesn't have to continue. Ask yourself: Did we set ourselves up with an overly romantic view of marriage? Have we taken each other for granted? Has our disappointment led to frustration and anger? Will continued bickering erode the love we have left? A
Last note:
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